Space Ramblings

Translating Berman and Braga’s comments for the uninformed

as a public service, we’ve translated Rick Berman’s comments from spin and
sifted them for their actual meanings into plain old english…

“We’ve got some great stuff coming up,”

Translation: *Sigh* More episodes coming up that I need to spin. Anyone know
any synonyms for great? I really gotta get me a thesaurus.

“We’ve written about six episodes to date.”

Translation: I’ve rewritten six episodes from other writers whose material
still isn’t up to par.

“Brannon and I are writing our third now, which is kind of a ‘La Femme
Nikita’-type episode.”

Translation: There’s action, shooting, brief nudity and we borrowed the plot
from an old episode of Bionic Woman, Rick was watching one evening on TBS.

We also have a very humorous episode that has our good captain going and
spending some time in Sickbay, because his dog gets sick. He moves into
Sickbay the same way a mother will move into the hospital when her child
gets sick, and it ends up being an ‘Odd Couple’ kind of an episode between
the captain and Dr. Phlox. It’s a lot of fun.”

Translation: We ran out of money so we had to shoot a bottle show set almost
entirely in sickbay. At first we wanted to have Archer become sick, but the
studio vetoed that because they think it’ll make Archer look like a sissy.
So we were out of ideas and this is all we came up with.

“Brannon went on to mention the appearance of the Romulans jesting, “the
continuity’s airtight, so I don’t want to hear any complaints!”

Translation: When you see what we’ve done to the Romulans, you’ll feel so
sick you won’t be able to breathe and get oxygen to your brain.

“I think I can say without getting into too much trouble that very early in
the season we will have our first brush with the Romulans.”

Translation: We’ve already written a Romulan episode and now we’re trying
to hype it, before the leaks begin and the fans start complaining.

“Capt. Archer will have a very lethal brush with the Romulans early on.”

Translation: Dean Stockwell playing a Romulan will beat the crap out of
Bakula.

“He added, “We’ve been very careful. The continuity is airtight. Believe me.
We know. We know.”

Translation: We’ve heard your complaints allready and we’re sick of them.
Now who are the Romulans again? Are those the greedy guys with the big ears?
They’re funny.

“Braga also reveals that former X-FILES scribe John Shiban’s first script
will involve Lt. Reed pinned under a deep-space mine on the exterior hull of
the NX-01.”

Translation: Yes but who put the mine there? Aliens? The truth is out there,
somewhere.

“One of the things we realized early on, when we were doing this series, was
that there was a chance to make the Vulcans really interesting again.”

Translation: This whole logic and no emotion thing was confusing, so we
decided that we’d generate conflict by having the Vulcans be nasty,
manipulative empire builders who are keeping the humans down.

“The Vulcans are really a paradoxical species, especially on this show, in
that they are very enlightened, and consider themselves to be enlightened,
but they’re really kind of screwed up, too.”

Translation: They’re an enlightened and paradoxical species on TOS and TNG.
On Enterprise they’re just screwed up and obnoxious. Because conflict
requires drama or is it the other way around. Damn, I should have been
paying attention in film school.

“He also promises big revelations about T’Pol’s character.”

Translation: She’s dating Braga.

“He says the Temporal Cold War will take a backseat after the premiere gives
hints about the birth of the Federation”

Translation:We didn’t know what the hell we were doing there with all the
time travel, so we just decided to drop it in exchange for more Porthos
scenes.

“We’re trying to improve on the first year. We’ve got a great part two to
the [first-season-ending] cliffhanger, which we were very pleased with, and
that’s terrific.”

Translation: It’s almost as good as Descent in fact and all the Voyager we
were just as pleased with, though the fans weren’t…

“And we’ve got, gosh, we’re about seven stories in. We’re just starting. …
We want to capitalize more on the fact that it’s a prequel.”

Translation: We’re going to include more scenes of the crew babbling on
about how exciting it is to the first crew in space.

“We want to have a season that maybe has even more action than it had last
season.”

Translation: The studio is demanding that we put in more action to hook the
young male demographic.

“And we want to just keep the creative juices flowing.”

Translation: Yuck

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