Space Ramblings

The Summer the Movies Became Retarded

Sure Transformers 2 led the way, as a hugely expensive movie that made no sense and just had stuff exploding all the time. GI Joe followed, being almost as stupid. But now the trend to just shovel movies attached to some sort of brand that make absolutely no sense is dominating the summer. The Losers. The A-Team. Jonah Hex. They all have one thing in common. They barely have a script. No one can follow their story. It’s just things happening on screen made by people with ADD for people with ADD.

And what’s more, these movies are bombing. Sure Transformers 2 made lots of money. Heaps and heaps of it. But for the same reason that Avatar did. Because it was a huge spectacle. GI Joe underperformed. Smaller summer action movies like A-Team and Jonah Hex shouldn’t have expected that kind of dispensation. And they didn’t get it. The A-Team came in a distant second. The Losers bombed. And I don’t foresee good things for Jonah Hex either. Because unless your movie is wall to wall special effects (Transformers 2, Avatar, GI Joe), the audience is going to get bored watching people talk and fight without understanding what’s going on.

You can blame directors for some of this. Joe Carnahan is no one’s choice for making a movie with a plot you can follow. After Smoking Aces and Narc, this isn’t a shocker. On the other hand Jonah Hex was directed by a guy who mainly did cartoons. On some confused Hollywood level, working as an animator at Pixar somehow qualified him to direct a movie based on a comic book. A train of thought that would have made a tiny bit more sense if they were trying to make something like Sin City or at least 300. Which is not what Jonah Hex is. Finally The Losers had Sylvain White. Yes, “The Sylvain White” of Stomp the Yard, and I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer, which is a sequel to a sequel that no one watched. So you can blame directors for it too.

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