Remember when there was once a Science Fiction network? Isn’t that so weird. An entire cable channel dedicated entirely to Science Fiction.
We talked before about how the SyFy Channel completely abandoned Science Fiction to just air crappy knock off Reality shows non-stop and we talked about why the SyFy Channel decided to abandon Science Fiction programming.
But the incredible thing is that the SyFy Channel is now basically all-ghosts all-the-time.
SyFy has “Fact or Faked: Paranormal Files”, “Ghost Hunters”, “Ghost Hunters International” , “Ghost Mine”, “Haunted Highway”, “Haunted Collector”, “Paranormal Witness”, “School Spirits” and “Destination Truth”.
The latest episode of Destination Truth is…. “The Ghosts of Cannibal Village”. It’s like the title of the perfect SyFy movie, except there won’t be any ghosts or cannibals. Just a moron in khaki trying to make up stories in his spookiest voice before going back to his hotel in Fiji.
How desperate is SyFy for this crap? It’s making crappy knock-off shows out of its crappy knock-off shows which it stole from less crappy knock-off shows of popular shows on other channels.
Let’s take “School Spirits”, the latest SyFy offering for the mentally retarded.
School Spirits will tell true ghost stories of hauntings that have happened at schools across the country. The stories will be told in first person narratives through the testimonials of real students, teachers, parents and staff that have encountered the paranormal activity, blended with bone-chilling cinematic reenactments to further bring the haunting experiences to life.
So School Spirits is like every other show on the SyFy Channel, except it’s narrowed down to schools. What’s next? “7-11 Spirits”? Nah needs a Hollywood angle. “Spirits of Make Up”. Authentic makeup artists will discuss their stories of being haunted by ghosts with actual reenactments we did for 50 cents in the back of a 7-11.
But the SyFy Channel is not actually all ghosts all the time. It’s just 90 percent ghosts. Then there’s brand new original programs like this.
Hot Set – From the producers of Syfy’s hit series Face Off, Hot Set is an extreme design challenge pitting two Hollywood production designers each week in a head-to-head battle to design, build, decorate and ultimately create an original and signature movie set that transports the viewer into an immersive world.
If you need a better explanation for why SyFy is such a worthless shitpile now, consider this.
The SyFy Channel could order programs that feature makeup and sets as vehicles for telling a story. Instead they order shows where the whole point of the show is creating a set and doing makeup. That’s like cancelling COPS and ordering a TV series about cameras.
Some SyFy executive must have interrupted his couch casting session for one minute and said, “Hey, we’re ordering all these shows with makeup and sets in them. Why not make shows about makeup and sets?”
I don’t know if SyFy can get any cheaper and trashier, but here’s my proposal.
Ghost Network will tell true ghost stories of hauntings that have happened at SyFy’s offices and on the sets of its award winning shows about ghosts. The stories will be told in first person narratives through the testimonials of real executives, coke dealers, directors, former prostitutes, enslaved children, best boys and assorted homeless people pretending to be ghosts who encounter actual ghosts, blended with bone-chilling cinematic reenactments of people pretending to encounter ghosts who encounter actual ghosts who turn out to be people pretending to encounter ghosts who think they’re encountering ghosts to further bring the haunting experiences to life.