Space Ramblings

Mets to Give up Baseball, Try Sucking at Other Sports

After another disastrous season, the Mets organization announced that it had made the painful but necessary decision to give up on sucking at Baseball and branch out into sucking at other sports.

“We’ve tried baseball and given it our best shot,” said Mets General Manager Omar Minaya. “For fifty years we’ve been trying to fill in for the Dodgers and the Giants and it just isn’t working anymore. Sure we’ve had our high points, but these days baseball is all about buying Japanese-Cuban players nurtured from birth on huge amounts of steroids and then paying them two hundred billion dollars on a ten year contract only to have them call in with a knee injury. And the Mets just can’t compete.

The Mets however are not giving up. The current plan is to take the Mets roster, made up of boat people on steroids and Daryl Strawberry, and explore sucking at other sports, including Mets ice hockey, Mets football, Mets urban soccer and Mets curling.

“We don’t know what the future will bring for us,” Minaya said, “oh wait we do, certain failure and defeat. But by switching sports unexpectedly we can keep the fans interested and unaware that we’re doomed to suck at anything we do that involves a ball of any kind. But until Queens sinks into the ocean, we’re still going to have loyal and completely clueless fans.”

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