Space Ramblings

Leadership the Cobra Commander Way

In the tradition of such highly useful books as “Make It So, Leadership Lessons from Captain Picard” and “If I’m Having a Bad Day I’ll Blow Up My Own Ship Just To Spite You, Leadership Lessons from Captain Janeway“, comes the latest self-help tome for CEO’s who have no idea what to do besides sell stock in their own companies.

Presenting, “RETREAT! Leadership Lessons from Cobra Commander!” by Cobra Commander.

Leadership tip number 1. Leadership by example is for suckers. You worked hard to get to where you were by being a crazy lunatic with a rag over his face. Don’t waste it all by making an example of yourself too. That’s what Cobra Vipers are for.

Leadership tip number 2. The perfect plan is one where the greatest possible number of things can go wrong. Ideally your plan should depend on some sort of unproven technology combined with a large scale deployment that is both expensive and unpredictable. Are you listening to me Microsoft?

Leadership tip number 3. When your plan fails, now’s the time to retreat. Even if your plan only experiences a minor setback, it’s time to retreat. Even if you’re feeling tired and achy and think you might be coming down with a cold, it’s always a safe bet to retreat.

Leadership tip number 4. Sniveling is the mark of a great man. Kick them when they’re down and beg them for mercy when they’re on the way up. That’s how you get to the top and stay there.

Leadership tip number 5. Since you’re reading this book you’re probably completely incompetent like me, the trick then is to fill your ranks with incompetent subordinates insuring that there is no one available to replace you. Of course nothing you do or plan will ever succeed, but at least your job as CEO of Comcast or Cobra Commander is safe.

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