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iPhone battery now allows for up to 8 seconds of talk time

Addressing a concern that has lingered since the device was introduced in January, Apple announced that it has improved the battery life of the iPhone to deliver up to 8 seconds of talk time and 10 seconds of stand-by time.

“Finally users of the iPhone can look up to as much as 8 seconds of talk time, or possibly less than 5 seconds in cold weather,” Steve Jobs announced, “8 seconds talk time is more than most leading phones get during a fire, earthquake or when falling into a black hole. With the newly improved battery life, you can now use your iPhone to call for help as long as your call for help doesn’t take more than eight seconds.”

Apple fungineers had improved the iPhone’s talk time by cutting down on some power draining features, including the phone’s constantly rotating video logo of Steve Jobs’ head casting out a reality distortion field that encourages you to buy Apple TV and the built in greek chorus that echoes your conversations three times after each sentence. Also gone is the ability to use the iPhone as a detonator, bug zapper and it will no longer come with a toolbar that uses the Safari browser to send you messages from the devil.

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