Space Ramblings

England Confronts the Klingon Menace

Yes it’s true boys and girls, England is under siege. By the Klingons. Or their Bathlets anyway.

Lethal Star Trek blade seized in knives amnesty. Force for evil: inspector Mac McGarry with the blade, believed to be a lethal Star Trek replica

This horrifying five-foot weapon has been recovered by police during a knife amnesty.

The three-handled sword with a blade at either end, designed to be swung like a paddle, shocked officers who took custody of it.

They are using it to publicise a five-week amnesty during which they hope around 30,000 weapons will be handed in, mainly from youngsters.

A spokesman for police in Gloucester, where it was surrendered, said: “It is a particularly nasty weapon that can, literally, take someone’s head off. We are very glad it is off the streets and we want more weapons handed in.”

The blade is believed to be a stainless-steel copy of a Klingon weapon used in the science fiction series Star Trek. “It’s an extremely dangerous weapon,” said a martial arts expert last night.

First of all based on the “force” pun, I think the Daily Mail has confused Star Trek and Star Wars. But that overlooks the bigger problem of the Klingon menace. It’s only natural that Klingons would turn on the English sooner or later. Having given up their weapons, the English have made themselves ripe for conquest and sooner or later the Klingons being the ruthless conquerors that they are were bound to turn on them.

I think it’s only a matter of time until Klingons are rampaging across the English countrywide, naming themselves Barons and eating shepherd’s pie. The English asked for it themselves, giving up their arms, cultivating a disgusting cuisine that only a Klingon or a Welshman could like and continuing their fraudulent claim that Shakespeare was an Englishman rather than a Klingon. Sooner or later the Klingons were bound to strike and when the Klingon Houses begin parceling up parts of England, I’m sure they’ll restore the rightful history of William Shakespeare, the long lost Klingon writer who crashed to Earth many centuries ago and did his best to fit in and comb his hair over his forehead.

The question is, is there anything the London police can do to combat the coming Klingon invasion? The answer is probably no. Their misguided knife amnesty only further disarms the London citizenry leaving them naked and helpless before the Klingon menace. What’s next a stick and stone amnesty? Confiscate a Klingon’s bathleth and he can still rip out your beating heart with his bare hands and take a big juicy bite out of it. Unarmed British PC’s confronted by raging Klingon warriors have no chance.

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