Space Ramblings

Crazy Old Man Baffled By Own Product Launch

steve ballmer microsoft surface

Crazy Old Man Baffled By Own Product Launch

Why am I here?

I don’t. Somebody said I should be on stage. Something about Surface. It’s a thing. Like a laptop, but different.

There’s a lot of colored boxes. They look like candy. But my Vice Presidents tell me I shouldn’t eat them.

It’s our response… to something. Maybe the iPad or Kindle Fire. Or something. It does everything, the machine with the glass screen tells me. It’s a tablet that’s like a laptop, but a laptop that’s like a tablet. Damn it, why don’t we just make a really thin laptop and get it over with?

Stop shushing me. I’m the boss here. This thing is dumber than that Courier deal. And that one at least looked pretty.

What is this video with rocks breaking and stuff falling. What’s the point? Nobody wants this thing. Hell, I don’t want it. I’m afraid of it. It looks like the thing that sometimes comes to me in my dreams. It asks me to make a wish and I wish that I could understand all that geek stuff and then I wake up screaming because I really understand it.

Anyway, you people. This is like an iPad except we made it. So it’ll be slow, crash a lot and come with a trial version of Microsoft Office. You should buy it, because if you’re going to waste money on an iPad, you might as well waste money on this. Whatever it’s called? Surface? Might as well just call it Zune HD. Oh we used that name already. Damn.

Why did the CEO of HP just announce that they’re not going to be making tablets that run Windows 8? What did I do to him?

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