Space Ramblings

5 out of 6 New Hampshire Voters Say Ron Paul Reminds Them of Uncle Who Molested Them

While web polls continue to show that not only is Ron Paul in the lead but that he has 135 percent of the vote, counting the Ukranian botnets, Ron Paul continues to struggle in real life polls. Unlike web polls, real life polls are harder to fake. Ron Paul’s Stormfront following did briefly unveil Operation Ron Paul, a a plan to seize the entire state of Rhode Island, confiscate all the phones and create a monopoly on polls for the state, this plan failed to come to fruition after a batch of tainted bear caused widespread diahrea among the entire Aryan Ron Paul Meetup Group.

Meanwhile polls of New Hampshire voters reveal that 5 out of 6 New Hampshire voters say Ron Paul reminds them of that creepy uncle who molested them when they were kids.

“Yeah sorta,” said Marylin Edmond, 32, “he really reminds me of Uncle Floyd. Uncle Floyd used to have this creepy smile too and he talked like he had just been huffing helium. Also he was against the government and he kept trying to get us down into his underground shack where he was going to wait out Armageddon.”

“The first time I saw him on TV, I said damn, that’s my dad’s bastard brother who molested us when we were kids,” said Earl Jenkins, 24, “then I heard his crazy accent and found out it was actually some nut from Texas named Ron Paul who wants to be President.”

Ron Paul’s campaign has had a mixed reaction to these results, insisting that the mainstream media had worked for years to create a negative reaction to Ron Paul’s eventual candidacy by portraying molesters as short men with creepy smiles and squeaky effeminate voices.

Meanwhile Ron Paul supporters spammed Digg in outrage over this turns of events blaming someone named “Ghouliani” and his priest for the whole thing.

“Look at the Constitution it doesn’t say anything there about Molesting,” wrote NaziGlueHuffersForPaul88, “the Founders intended this country to get away from all the Big Government stuffiness about molesting people. That’s the only laws that should exist. We can have all the guns we want, shoot all the minorities we want and molest all the kids we can kidnap at gunpoint. That’s why I’m voting for Ron Paul. Also he reminds me of my uncle. Man I had some great camping trips with my uncle!”

Vote Ron Paul.

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