One day Peter Parker was wandering innocently around high tech and dangerous equipment when he was bitten by a spider.
What he didn’t know then was that spider was radioactive!
What he also didn’t know then was that spider was gay!
Return now to your favorite comic book as the unpaid geniuses at Marvel reboot it. See Peter Parker struggle with his superpowers and his newfound gayness. Even as he longs to live a normal life his strange abilities and his lust for men constantly intefere leaving him no choice but to become a gay superhero.
But that’s not at all.
When a great fight between superheroes The Nancy Boys, The Invincible Wrist, The Punisher and Pink Arrow against the supervillains Dr. Dick, Magayneto and Al Franken, goes horribly wrong releasing gay energies that turn hundreds of thousands of people gay, the government demands the registrations of all gay superheroes as weapons of massive gay destruction, Peter Parker must choose whether to come forward or hide in his radioactive closet.
“I never asked to be bitten by a radioactive spider. Or a gay spider. Or a radioactively gay spider. But as Uncle Ben used to say, with great powers comes great responsibility and with great gayness comes even greater responsibility,” Peter Parker at last declares in a press conference coming forward to reveal his true identity.
Is anyone shocked?
Is a crossover with X-Gay Men in the offing?
Were readers sick of gay metaphors after decades of the X-Men?
Find out next month when the limp-wristed webswinger returns to New York!